Womens' World Has Changed

What's the problem here? It's this: the world outside the home has undergone huge changes for women. But the world inside the home has not. The contrast between these two worlds makes men look bad. Maybe deservedly.

A little recent history. Women don't live in the same world they did a century ago. In many countries an increasing minority of women (over 30% in some cases) (ref) have university qualifications, and can and do hold topmost jobs that used to be exclusively men's province. They start their families later and have fewer children. For them, there have been huge educational and demographic changes also partly affected by the feminist 'movement', page 20.

Other women are directly affected by the practical effects of these changes on legislative and social standards. In addition, most women's expectations must inevitably be raised as they see their educated sisters being international negotiators, running countries and heading up huge corporations. "Women can do anything" they are told in advertisements for training courses, even on the side of buses.

At the same time, the standard of living in very many countries has continued to rise. There, it is a rare household that lacks hot water, inside toilets, refrigerator, television, computer and mobile phone. Minimum comfort standards have improved. Food, there, is so plentiful that obesity has become a major problem. (ref)

But these changes have come at a price. The improved standard of living is accompanied by an increased cost of living. In relative terms each of the benefits costs less with each passing year - but there are more of them - consumer goods unheard of to our recent ancestors. All these add to the aggregate.

There is one further major cost increase - this one brought about by population growth rather than technology - that is housing. Rising demand for housing, and the land to build it on, have changed its relative cost. Two generations ago in many parts of the world an average working man could expect to purchase or rent a home, equip it, and support a family to the standard of the time, without his wife having to work - that is now rarely the case.

Modern women therefore expect to work outside the home, either from inclination or need. An increasing minority expect to find intellectually stimulating careers, but it's likely that most find themselves facing far less interesting jobs.

However much the world outside the home has changed, life inside that home has altered far less. Unless she is one of the few who can afford almost continuous or live-in home help, the wife still does the vast majority of the housekeeping, even if she works outside the home for the same hours as her husband (ref).

But men? Well, they still do live in very much the same old world. They go out to work as ever, though with more competition from women for the jobs. They expect, if required, to be the sole provider of home, shelter, food, transport, clothes, education and entertainment. Many may feel somewhat diminished when they find they can't achieve that. But generally their day has changed very little except for the amount of congestion on the roads, and of course, the vastly better comforts modern technology brings to the family compared to a century ago. Some - a few - get to be house-husbands, but don't be misled by those token martyrs - for the vast bulk of men, they would probably still like to be the primary "bringers-home of the bacon".

But for women it's "oh so different". Harsh but different. Harsh because they still do nearly all the cooking, and cleaning, and child raising. But they have been brainwashed by circumstances and many may hold these views:

Summary: No woman now lives as she would have a century ago - but the improvements in kitchen equipment, transport and education are as nothing compared to the social revolution that now overwhelms so many marriages. It's a shame that the stark reality of the practical doesn't always mirror the latest social ideals of the desirable.

What does this mean for men? Men's world, though different now in some of its details, has not altered to nearly the same degree as has women's - with one huge exception. And what is that?

The big change for men now is that they have to deal with womens' new expectations. Women now want to have an equal share of opportunities in the modern world. It's right that they should. But fairness dictates that, as they take an increasing share of paying for the household, they should take a proportionately lesser share of the workload within the home. That's not happening to a sufficient degree to satisfy any reasonable test of fairness. Men need to consider taking on much more of the housework, as their daily gift, to enable their wives to attain true equality.

Because, have no doubt, all the social and economic changes make it much easier for a dissatisfied woman to leave her husband. Women can cope on their own now, even with young children, like never before, helped by better social services, education, government support, technology to replace their man's strength, better job opportunities, and changed laws. And when she goes, typically she takes half the capital base.

But men's options have shrunk! Modern man can't expect that if he's a "good provider" he'll automatically find a woman who will cook and clean, be an ever-available sexual partner, bear children for him and generally act as an obedient unpaid servant. His wife might still do far more than her share of the housework, but she's unlikely to put up with all the other conditions of a century ago.

It's said that nothing comes for free in this life. Women's new opportunities have to be paid for. Ironically it's mainly men who have set the scene for women's new options and status (under some pressure from women, to be sure). And who is now paying the heaviest price for those changes? We'll leave that with you as a homework exercise.

What to do about it? No good news for a lazy man, here. Men these days have to accept that their lives have got relatively harder, as have women's in some ways.

The majority of modern homes take much more work - when you factor in the need for two adults to work outside the home in addition to the housekeeping. Though machines make housework a little easier, it still takes the same time to feed and bath children and pick up after them, to shop, cook, make beds and clean windows. If this work is to be evenly divided, the husband has to do more - and he'd better be good tempered about it.

If a woman can be almost as comfortable without a man, why should she stay if it means more work, and no joy? Killing the spiders is not enough for the man to do. You have to do a fair share in the home, and still provide comfort, communication, cooperation, emotional support, admiration, love and cuddles, and 'quality time' in general - but only when she wants them because otherwise she'll feel like a sex slave, and that's a modern NoNo, too.

Conclusion: Modern women expect their lives to be easier, and not at all dictated by their husbands. They can survive in comfort without a man. If he wants a woman to live with him he has to offer what she can't get so easily without him - comfort, company, help, pleasure and love. Typically, she won't promise obedience, and won't do all the household work, and won't put up with anything she considers distasteful to her.

It was always tough to be a man, and it's been getting worse. Not only taking on more, but also learning not to be so tough. Now that's really tough!