Peter Collins publication - What Do You Complain Of?

What Do You Complain Of?

Why do we want to know? Because it provides insights into how your wife might feel.

How can that be? If you read what do husbands and wives complain of, page 15, and mark your own concerns, it will give you a handle on how you think your wife treats you.

What to do about it? Your next step is to ask yourself why she does that. Does she criticise you? Threaten you? Neglect you?

In each case, ask yourself: Why? What for? What over? What could you do to avoid that? Why don't you do it?

You might find it helpful to take notes for your own reference.

Troubleshooting: This is not a comfortable exercise. As usual, most of the problems are likely to be inside you. Sorry, but there it is.

You realise that she treats you badly because she thinks you let her down in some way, or she thinks you don't do your fair share around the place. Unfortunately, if you are a typical modern male, it's probably true (see womens' world has changed, page 12, and what does your wife complain of, page 17). You've got to lift your game - things are different now.

You realise that she now treats you badly, even though you are doing your best, because of ongoing resentment about how bad things used to be. It's time to start proactive change, page 20, .

She's bored with you and doesn't mind showing you. So deal with her boredom, page 24.

There is some more complex problem such as substance abuse, assault, mistreatment of children, infidelity or the like. Using counselling, page 29, is probably the most appropriate way for you to get started dealing with any of these.

Outcomes: If either you or your wife (but probably both) have some complaints about the other, you may not be talking as usefully together, often because there are other, unresolved problems.

If your wife is critical, unaffectionate, non-supportive, or intolerant, and you can identify her concerns and deal with them, chances are you'll resolve the problem.

Or, if your wife has changed from the person you married (as you will have, too) but she has no complaints about you that you need to deal with (really?) then you need to work with her to achieve some proactive change, page 20.

If your marriage has is some major problem, beyond the scope of this book, the outcome is less certain. Counselling services are a good beginning and can help you determine the best course of action for your particular circumstances.