Untidiness

How is this a warning sign? - Where to start? Few people prefer to live in a shambles, though they may tolerate it if they are depressed or overwhelmed by circumstances, or unused to doing it differently.

But a woman who is used to tidiness might not be impressed if she finds her workload increased by a husband who leaves it to her to clean up after him. If she's already dissatisifed for her marriage for other reasons, that her husband is untidy isn't going to reduce her feeling that she's in the wrong place, here.

What's the problem here? - Let's get basic. Woman tidy, man slob. Nothing complicated about it. If she doesn't like it, you have to ask yourself - is this what she expected from you before you wed? If the answer is "No" then how can you expect her to be happy about what's happened since.

But you might have been a slob before. And she might have know it. But she might not have correctly predicted how it would feel to keep tidying up after you day in and day out, year after year, and a for a lifetime to come.

She might feel that it shows a husband's lack of respect for her, or a lack of self-respect for himself. Neither is a good look. Both will add to any existing loss of motivation to stay in the marriage.

What to do about it? - This one is hard. You're not going to believe it - so simple to describe - so hard to do.

Put things away when you are done with them. Don't put them down to be dealt with later.

Keep things orderly, not spread about.

A place for everything, and everything in it's place.

You know what tidiness means. Just do it.

Troubleshooting. - Where to start? If you are not naturally tidy, you may find it almost impossible to change.

If you were naturally tidy before, just reverting to your earlier self is not so difficult, but the rest of us have a major battle on our hands. And the problem is in ourselves.

However, there is good news. You don't have to become a completely tidy person, suddenly, over night. If you can put one thing away that you might not have before, it's an improvement. Over the years you might be able to add to more to that and do even better.

Do your best, and don't get discouraged.

Your wife might not notice that you are getting tidier, though she may notice if you put a few things away that you might not have before.

This may be one of the things that you will never change adequately for your wife - so be prepared to do more in other directions to compensate.

Outcomes. - If you can become tidier, it will reduce your wife's workload, and her sense of discouragement.

By itself the change you can achieve here may not be enough to rescue your marriage. However, showing some long-term willingness to be more responsible for yourself, and less dependant, can't help.

When attempts at tidiness are kept up over the months, and combined with your addressing other things that women hate, there will be a cumulative, long-term benefit. Stick in there!