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Truth Tests


What is it? This great device is absolutely basic. It's just a matter of keeping your eyes and ears open for inconsistencies, and when you speak, simply tell the truth, and be prepared to have your story checked out.

How does it work? An example might be simplest. A man has found himself a lovely, unattached woman, and often has dinner with her, theatre, and spends a night with her. He neatly turns away her questions about whether he is unattached, but he doesn't ever come to see her in the weekends. She can, and does, phone him on his mobile or at his office during the week. He says he goes out of town fishing with his friends from Friday nights and his mobile can't be reached. Never the less, she phones him during a weekend and hears children in the background. He answers, and when she speaks his voice suddenly becomes more distant and he doesn't use his usual tender greeting to her. She says: "Goodbye" and he doesn't even reply, let alone try to explain. He knows very well he's been sprung. His wife is probably standing beside him. He just ends the call. He never contacts her again. She is left with his toothbrush.

What happened here? He let her think he was free to commit to her (but he wasn't). He probably had an apartment close to the office for the working week, and spent the weekends out of town with his wife and family. He tried to prevent her attempting to contact him during weekends by saying he was fishing (but he wasn't). He was being a sexual predator, and he got away with it until there was a test of the truth of his statements and of the impression he tried to give.

How do you use it? Two ways - either as the investigator or the target.

As the investigator, you merely look at the picture that someone is painting for you, and think up simple ways to test where the truth actually lies. That may involve being disobedient but how much can you believe someone who tries to control your freedom to interact with them in an open way?

As the target, you should live your life with honesty and integrity, with your words and actions always in step, because then you can't be caught in a lie, and truth tests will always show you in a good light.

Troubleshooting: the biggest problem with the truth test is that you may not like what you discover. Applying the truth test will often destroy something that had until then the appearance of being solid and worthwhile. But that can only happen if the scenario you are in is actually built on a lie. In the story, above, the woman destroyed her relationship. The man could have said he told her not to ring in the weekend, but that's a bit lame - he'd look foolish as well as dishonest. He might have said that he didn't want a relationship in which there was no trust, so her was dumping her, but that's manipulative, blaming behaviour, and should be seen for what it is. Either way, would you rather live a lie, or be freed to find someone more honest?

The Truth Test, when you are the 'investigator' tell liars that their lies have been discovered. That will probably either start a major round of defensive behaviour or end the relationship. If the discovered lie was the last straw for you, reaching an end is probably going to be a relief. If it diesn't end you will probably get either stoney silence, or anger, or excuses and protestations of innocence. When it comes from a proven liar, how much of that stuff can you believe? Maybe it's time to ask yourself whether you want to keep putting up with it happening over and over again.

Copyright © 2007 Peter Leon Collins
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