The Signs and Portents

If you're reading this, you already know when your relationship is under stress. You can read some signs, like a frown when you'd expect a smile.

What the signs portend - exactly what is likely to hit you next - that's more complicated.

Portents are longer-term. The railroad crossing sign only tells you a train could come along, but not when, or how fast. For that you need the portents. Can you see the locomotive's headlights? Can hear that whistle blow? Yup, they're portents - sometimes the difference between life and death - the signs by themselves aren't enough.

Is your marriage at a crossing? Is it stalled there? Can you see the headlights or hear the whistle? How far away is the train? How much time do you have? What can you do?

Is your marriage full of nagging, anger, long silences, slammed doors, separate rooms? The smiles and laughter have stopped? Sex has become mechnical or hardly exists? You disappoint each other, feel lonely or neglected? How much time do you have before you get hit? What can you do?

What's the problem here? - Right now, if your marriage is stalled across the tracks, you have to get it pushed out of danger as fast as possible, then fix it up to avoid it happening again!

Yelling it and kicking it, that won't work for a car and it sure as hell won't work for a marriage, either.

The two of you used to have such great times together, and enjoyed each other's company. If it's not like that now, things have obviously changed.

Big question - can you change it all back again?

Bigger question still - what should you go for first? That depends on what you see when you look for the trouble spots. Yes, we mean portents. You already know that you're unhappy, and so is your wife. But exactly why?

What is bugging her the worst? That's one question, but you have to ask the next one, too.

How have you changed, since your 'courtship', that so bugs her? How can you tell, without having to ask her, what might now be a big disappointment for your wife? (Why not just ask her? Oh, my word, no! If you want to be the sensitive companion who she craves, you have to prove that you are. How? One way is by working these things out for yourself. Yes you do have to. The modern wife expects that. Get used to it.)

If things aren't as you'd like, you can bet they're not to your wife's liking either.

What to do about it?

Example: Imagine a guy who often has a quick beer on the way home. One day his wife might say "I do wish you'd get home earlier." He thinks it's not all that serious an issue. Trust us - it's always more serious than it sounds. Always. She's saying "I'm lonely, unhappy, afraid for your safety and fidelity. I'm angry that my great meals are like cardboard by the time you eat them! I won't stand for this." And she gives him the silent treatment.

If he learns to read what she means he'll know that it's time to get home earlier or negotiate some other solution, because doing nothing might be a good way to lose her. You can read Men are Different - So Are Women to find out more about this.

Troubleshooting. Identifying the problem areas is your starting point. You might have the symptoms of an unhappy wife, but not actually be doing any of the disappointing things on our list, or be unable to make any useful changes.

Outcome: if you decide there are signs that your marriage could be better, and you want to know more about its condition and what you can do to improve it, you're ready to continue reading. We can't promise you any 'simple fix'. And remember - you're not alone - these days ever more men are seeing the new reality and making the change. Their wives again love them deeply. If other men can achieve this, you can, too.